Sometimes it is wide-open laughter; sometimes it is tears streaming relentlessly down my cheeks. Sometimes, my vision becomes laser-focused and blood-red in color as I weigh my options in an unpleasant situation. Sometimes, even when I feel joyful, I can feel my emotions churn in a way that disrupts my love of being alive. I take a step back; a long breath, or twelve; I recite positive words and phrases to myself and tell the darkness it is not welcome here. Eventually, the churning pulls back to low tide and after taking in one more long inhale of air, I watch my peaceful exhale dissipate back into the universe.